As the parent of a child with a disability — and one who is willing to share the challenges and benefits of that role — I’ve been asked numerous times what advice I have for others who work to balance their roles as a caregiver with the demands of their careers. For that, I have a few bits of insight to offer, including one for the employers reading this.

Advice for Caregivers

For those who are new to the role as caregiver/working professional, it is important to seek the help you need, even if it’s from others who face similar demands, be they friends, family, or co-workers. The truth of the matter is that there are a lot of us out here. Because of this reality, you are not alone, so don’t suffer in silence. Having a child or adult with a disability can be overwhelming, emotionally draining, and isolating. Sharing your experience with those who understand can be truly liberating (if only a little bit).

In 2009, when my son’s autism diagnosis began to sink in, I was in a free-fall both emotionally and professionally, despite my attempts to hide it. While this surely will not be the same for everyone, my ability to manage my new reality changed dramatically when I began to share with others. My boss at the time changed, too, from, “What’s going on with you?” to, “How can we help?” I shared openly with friends and family. It got me over the emotional hump, into a new, more complex identity.

Local, state, and federal governments offer programs that can help, whether it’s financial support, vocational training, or other services. Many of these programs are in place specifically to help disabled people and those who are tasked with meeting their needs. When managed well, these programs can be profoundly beneficial, including in preparing the disabled person’s life after their parents or primary caregivers have passed away. Find out how they can help.

Advice for Employers

For employers, I would ask – even outside the requirements of the Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA), the Family and Medical Leave Act (FMLA), and other disability-focused laws: What is your employee worth? Is it really better to replace a person with shared responsibilities with someone else, than it is to offer some flexibility and understanding? In all honesty, some of the understanding I received during my most difficult time resulted in strong loyalty to the company I worked (and still work) for.

I will also add that during that difficult time I just mentioned, my job remained a welcome constant for me even as so much of the rest of my life seemed to be spinning out of control. It was good to, five days a week, go to a place where I understood what was happening, a place with objectives I understood and could achieve.

I will add here that I am very lucky. Caregiving in my home is done in partnership with my wife, who also has a career, and the work I do (writing, editing, content creation) lends itself to flexibility much more than many other jobs. That said, I think that with both commitment to the employee and a bit of creativity, all jobs possess opportunities to lessen the load borne by a majority of working caregivers.